I tend to embarrass people – a lot (mostly my children). One of those people I frequently embarrass is me. Yes, me.
Through my own physical actions (my mother always knew when I was home from school, because I was the only one who daily fell UP the steps on my way into the house) to my verbal actions (saying penguins when I meant to say peacocks*), I astound even myself sometimes with the amazing number of times I embarrass myself.
But never on purpose. Maybe subliminally I feel I should be rewarded for stupid behavior. After all, when you see all the attorneys on television begging you to spill hot coffee on your lap, so they can benefit from your stupidity when you sue the company, how could you not think that when you do something incredibly stupid, somebody somewhere is going to reward you for it?
But if I'm being honest with myself I have to admit that if I sued every place in which I'd ever hurt myself, I could be typing this blog on my invisible screened-in porch that overlooked a lake or the ocean.
I wouldn't want to receive my income from silly lawsuits though. I'd rather get my money the honest way, through Publisher's Clearing House. (I would say the Lottery, but I never buy tickets.)
Admittedly, I do enter contests occasionally, hoping to win. I especially love to divulge secrets I probably shouldn't share, but the prize is so worth the embarrassment.
Once a radio station ran a contest for the most embarrassing moment. I knew I would win that one and I did – a dinner for two at an exquisitely fine restaurant.
And when Xomba recently ran a contest about the worst summer ever, I remembered my most embarrassing moment and told it again. And I won again – this time a Kindle! To read the winning Kindle entry, click Vacation Destroyed By Tube Top.
Apparently, my "rags to riches" story will require me to repeatedly embarrass myself and then write about it in contests that will reward me for those embarrassing moments. As I am never at a loss for those moments, I just have to wait for contests that reward me for entering them.
If you know of any writing contests that will reward me for submitting (and admitting) the stupid things I've done and said, please let me know. And if you want to read Stupid Things You (Unknowingly) Do to Yourself, I invite you to click the link.
*For examples on how I confuse penguins with peacocks, click these links:
Penguins and Peacocks and
We're Gonna See Penguins?
Until next blog, remember, "The world is moving to a magical place."