Once upon a time, I sent greeting cards. You might think that because I'm a writer, I would enjoy sending greeting cards. I do, or more appropriately, I did, but I enjoyed writing them more than I did searching for them. Most of the greeting cards on store racks didn't say exactly what I wanted to say, so I would create my own and send them.
And then one day I forgot to send someone a greeting card.
I had committed a mortal sin!
After that unforgettable moment (though I can't remember which sister I forgot), how could I send another greeting card to anybody – ever? I was obviously in the early stages of dementia and who knows what else I might forget (from experience, I can tell you the answer to that question is – just about everything).
The sister who didn't get a card would surely discover my error and feel dissed if she found out I had sent one to my other sister and not to her. They would talk to each other BEHIND MY BACK and they WOULD KNOW that something was wrong with me.
They might even think that I loved one of them more than I did the other. The one who didn't get the card would spend each and every moment focusing on the card she didn't receive every waking moment of her life – for the rest of her life, I might add – and plot well-deserved vengeance against me. I would be humiliated and embarrassed.
How could I ever again look her in the eyes – ever? How could I attend any family functions after making that mistake without looking through the piercing eyes of THE SISTER WHO DIDN'T GET A CARD?
In my defense for never sending another greeting card (cowardly lion suddenly popped into my head), at about the same time I stopped sending greeting cards, the cost of stamps rose. And then they rose again. And again. Seems that every time I bought a book of stamps, the price went up. Sadly, buying "Forever" stamps didn't help, because I would run out of stamps after the price went up – again.
With over 25 members in my immediate family, more than a hundred extended family members, some very special friends, birthdays, more than one holiday per year, and more holidays being created by greeting card companies as I write, I'd be averaging more than a couple of cards per week.
I blame the greeting card companies for my plight. Why can't they just create a generic annual card for people like me? One I could send once a year – whenever. Every year, once a year, or whenever I felt the urge to send a card, I could send one that says, Wishing You Happiness and Joy Every Day!
The inside of the card could say that this card was for every special personal event the recipient could possibly celebrate throughout the year. That way, celebrations for all events would be covered and the recipient would get well wishes for every birthday, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Chanukah, Easter, and every other national or international holiday ever recorded in every possible calendar for every possible country in the entire world, including other events we celebrate, like engagements, marriages, graduations, Valentine's Day, Sweetest Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Boss's Day, Veteran's Day, Halloween, and every other holiday that greeting card companies create throughout the year.
After all, are not the greeting card companies responsible for a lot of these "holidays"? I'm expecting one day soon to hear that we now have to celebrate, "Hot Dog Day!" or "Hippie Day!" or "Hump Day" or "Happy to be Alive Day!"
I'm all for a once-a-year fill-in-the-blank card that wishes everybody Happiness and Joy Every Day for no other reason than to just celebrate living!
On second thought, that might not work for condolence cards. The card can't exactly say, "Happiness and Joy Every Day, because at least YOU'RE still alive." How insensitive. I may have to rethink this whole once-a-year card giving idea.
In the meantime, to all my family, including my parents, sisters, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, aunts, uncles, cousins, all my friends (including my FaceBook friends), all my neighbors, and everybody else I might have forgotten, I wish you Happiness and Joy Every Day!