Monday, October 1, 2012

My Brain – On Internet



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Let me explain something to you, Internet. You confuse me. First you had me get my own email address and you forced me to join MySpace, where I had to change my password – twice – because I got phished. Simple enough. But then you wanted me to join FaceBook and Twitter. OK, I can handle that.
But because I was (still am) a writer who needs to express myself, I needed more from you. You graciously referred me to Associated Content, or was that Google who referred me? Maybe I'm really upset with Google. But, anyway, AC changed – a LOT – including its name, and now I have to call it Yahoo Voices.
(Great! – One more piece of invaluable information to add to my brain.)
Because I found it exceedingly difficult to live on $3.60 a month from Yahoo, I joined Blogsvertise and Xomba too. But that wasn't enough for you, was it, you greedy gigantic monolith! 
No, it wasn't. I kept getting recommendations to sign up for this site, then sign up for that site, then this site, then that site. And I started collecting passwords, passwords I could never in a kajillion years remember.

I got inundated with requests to join sites like LinkedIn and GoodReads (I haven't even uploaded any books there yet) and other sites I haven't been able to figure out, like Klout. Then I joined Pinterest. 
I'm suffering, Internet. I can't contain all these passwords in one head!!!!! I'm having a hard enough time keeping up with all the blogs I write on Blogger and Wordpress, and I'm still getting requests to join this site and that site and this site and that site. I even have requests to join families I've never met and join high school reunions from high schools I never attended.
People I've never met want to join my family. How many family tree sites do you have anyway? And why can't we just combine all of them into one big happy family. We're all related anyway, right?
With precarious Internet connections, staying online is difficult if not downright impossible sometimes, but when I finally get back online, everybody keeps asking me to PLAY GAMES with them – where I need more passwords! How many passwords can a person remember? And, really, games? How will I ever find time to play games?
In addition to all of those Internet problems, I pay bills online, but do you know what happens every time I go to my email account? Yahoo Messenger loads people I've never met who want to converse with me! 

Tell them I'M BUSY! I know you know I'm busy, because you seem to know everything else about me. It's bad enough I get interrupted all day long by people I know. Now I'm getting interrupted by strangers! If I went to the post office to drop off my bills, strangers wouldn't approach me to ask me if I wanted to be their friends.
If I paid my bills in person, nobody would rush up to me and demand I have a conversation with them. But these people just pop up on my email page and expect to converse with me. Why? 
Here's what I want to know, Internet – What is your agenda? 
I get friend requests on FaceBook from people who have no affiliation with any of my other friends. How did they find me? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? 
Seriously, I want to know, but frankly, I'm afraid to ask. Because maybe they belong to one of the multitudinous sites I belong to. But maybe I can't remember who they are, BECAUSE WHAT'S TAKING UP ROOM IN MY HEAD IS THE STORAGE OF SO MANY PASSWORDS THAT I HAVE NO ROOM FOR ANYTHING ELSE! 

I'll be honest, Internet, these people scare me. I watch NCIS and Criminal Minds, and I know what happens if people become irate with others for not remembering them. These cyberstalkers could track me down and kill me. They're probably predators – you know – the kind of people who will try to sell me products I don't need or who want to talk me into joining cults I don't want to join.
Seriously, Internet, you see me slave away at my writing. I have no time for interrupters. I want to throw a pail of water on them and scream, "BEGONE!" as I watch them shrivel into the ground crying, "What a world; what a world." 
Really, it all just boils down to one problem. I'm getting so tired of having passwords sent to me over and over and over again. I feel as if my insides are crawling with bugs. I'm agitated and annoyed. I can't keep up with all this crap. Right now I have over 17 thousand unread emails in my yahoo account and over 1400 unread emails in my google account. And that's not all – I have three more email accounts. 
The thing is, Internet, though I'd like to break up with you, I can't. I depend on you. I need you. I know – that's my problem – not yours. But can you see how you are affecting me? I'm talking to you as if you are a real person and it's making me crazy!

Calm down, I tell me. Calm down. 
OK. Now that I have had this blog sitting in my "save" file for over a week, BECAUSE I FORGOT MY PASSWORD AGAIN, I will try to post it, because – guess what? I now have a password file (hidden within another file so nobody can randomly find my passwords)! Fortunately my computer has a great "find" function, because I usually forget where that file is.
You know, one of my favorite Sunday morning Beatles radio personalities used to say, "Button, button, where is the button?" I find myself saying, "Password, password, where is the password?" But I've remedied that problem. But just so you know, I'm NOT joining any more sites! So don't even ask!
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1 comment:

  1. Hi Theresa!

    Now here comes another stranger but don't worry, I won't ask you to remember another password and I won't ask to be part of you family :)

    I'm here just to tell you that this is such a great post. Although the author was venting out, I can't help but to laugh :)

    Perhaps I could add another thing, as you surf the net, you have to guess fancy alphabets and numbers just to prove that you're not a robot!

    Yeah, internet is so beneficial yet can be cruel too.

    Btw, found you while blog hopping.

    ReplyDelete

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