"WAKE UP! RIGHT NOW! Hurry! Before you forget to write it down."
STOP! I want to scream. WHO IS THIS RELENTLESS SPIRIT WHO WON'T LET ME SLEEP?
To be honest, I don't know. Well, at least I don't know what her name is. I've been told she is my muse, and she is MERCILESS.
Leave me alone, I sigh, as I attempt to return to sleep.
"NOOOOOOO! Wake up! You know you'll never remember this great idea if you wait for morning!"
She's right. Too many times I've told her, yeah, thanks, you annoying muse presence, but right now I really need my sleep. I'll remember it (whatever it is at the time) because it's such a common theme - it will just come to me during the day.
She rolls her a-MUSE-ing eyes.
I plead with her.
I promise I'll write it down tomorrow. Something will remind me, and that will force me to write it down then, OK? So leave me alone now, PLEASE?
I turn over, grab my pillow, hug it tightly, and ignore her incessant chatter in my head. She laughs and pokes me once again.
I cover my ears with my pillow. It doesn't help. She's in my head and she's taunting me. "Waaaaaaaake uuuuuuuuuuuppppppp!"
OH, COME ON! Really? You're going to do this to me again? You KNOW I have a hard time sleeping. I was just having a really good dream.
"I know!" She responds. "Write it down."
I roll over again, promising her I will remember when I awake IF I EVER FALL ASLEEP AGAIN!
I never remember my ideas in the morning. The idea has probably been zapped by another writer who saw the gleam from the idea cave and mined the diamond immediately. I, however, tug the blankets under my chin and beg for sleep.
Eventually, after arguing with her for another hour, kicking and fighting her the whole time, I am able to fall back to sleep, only to awaken minutes later with another great idea.
STOP! Can't I get just a few hours of sleep? P-L-E-A-S-E!
"NO! Get up now! Why do you think I'm here? Do you think I enjoy fighting with you night after night?"
FINE! I relent, but all I'm going to do is put the essence of it into my iPhone.
"Fine," she replies, "That's a start."
And THAT is why I have a lifetime of ideas I will never live long enough to use, and THAT is why I suffer from insomnia. (I'm tempted to stick out my tongue right now and blow air through my lips, Lily Tomlin style, but I don't know how to spell that sound.)